Maxima Forums - FL The Alpha & Omega of Maxima's (Orlando)

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!

Are you ready to own the most unique, one of a kind, not like the millions out there on the road today, badassest Maxima on the planet!??? Well look no further. I give you the 8th wonder of the world, the Gluteous Maximas!

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I know what you're thinking.

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Thats right folks, here is your one and only chance to own a 97 Nissan Maxima with only 235,000 Miles! Its just barely broken in! It has some incredibly amazing features, such as: The power windows all work all of the time, except for the RR which works when it wants to. The sunroof is totally awesome, until you try to use it, and then it kinda sucks, so DONT USE IT. The BOSE stereo sounds amazing! Until speakers start cutting in and out, then you wiggle the volume knob, and it sounds a amazing again. Presets 2,4,5 & 6 are usable, 1&3 are not because I don't like odd numbers below 5 so I shot them with a gun like Elvis, who by the way, has *actually driven this Maxima!

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The rear spoiler was far too weak for a car this manly, so it broke off. I could have replaced it with another black one like any normal rational person, but instead I chose this amazing, fantastical pearly white one because it's CUSTOM, and the only color I could find when I went to the junkyard.

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Although the 97 Maxima was aesthetical perfection, I thought the factory body lines could use some expert "tweaking" so I ran it into a couple of things at low speed.

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This car is so manly, and has so much testosterone, that the Antenna is permanently ERECT. Although if you play with it too much, you will go blind, or so my mother tells me.

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It has Chrome tint on the two rear door windows, and the back window, and just because I'm such a nice guy, I left the glue on the passenger front window, after the tint fell off. You're welcome.

It has heated Leather seats, to pre-heat your cheeks so that your lover doesnt think they are touching a zombie, because then they might chop your head off.

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The AC will turn your nipples into Titanium, thanks to a brand new OEM AC Compressor. It used to leak oil from pretty much everywhere, but now it just leaks from almost nowhere. It has a couple new front wheel bearings, because I hear that those are kind of important. It has new mismatched tires, but only because I almost died with bald ones. This Maxima will leave you more satisfied than your last 4 sexual encounters, **guaranteed.

I will leave the box of tissues in the passenger floorboard, because your sexual organs will explode after just one testdrive.

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I have tried my best to put into words and pictures, just how awesome this car is, but alas I may have failed. So there is just one more feature I will share with you. I was going to keep it a secret, but I just can't keep it inside anymore. It can fly. Yes, you read correctly. ***IT CAN FLY. Don't believe me huh? Ye of little faith, rest your eyes on THIS!:

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I am a professional BADASS, please do not attempt the flying feature until you have logged atleast another 235,000 miles, which this awesome machine will easily do. This car should easily sell for a couple of hundred grand, but I am super wealthy, and powerful, so I feel as if $2400 is a great deal for you to own this much awesome. If you disagree, and want to haggle, Call or text 407-283-7535. It is located near Clarcona Ocoee road and 441 (OBT) in North Orlando.

Lie table:
*elvis could not have actually driven this, he died before it was made.

**there is no guarantee of any kind.

***it cannot fly.