Okay so I left my lights on like an idiot and my engine died. First I thought my remote was just dead cause its been getting weak lately. So I unlock the door with my key, and I go to turn on the engine. No go. So then I know my batteries dead. So I had my friend give me a jump start and on my ride home I hear this hissing noise. This really really loud hissing noise coming from the engine. I go home and turn it off and on to see if its just something that goes away after a while. It didn't go away but it did get softer. I made an mp3 of it so I can get your opinions.

http://pages.sbcglobal.net/sevenboy/engine.mp3

Any help or thoughts should be appreciated, especially calling me a dumbass and telling me what I'm hearing is normal. Also, how soon should I get my battery replaced?

 

Its your A/C compressor for sure! test it out, when you turn on your A/C, is it cold? Does it make a different sound when you turn on you A/C. i had the same problem as you, and it happened to be my A/C compressor.
If you replace it for a new one, it will cost your roughly about 6 bills for it, used from junkyard maybe about 350, these are prices with labor an all btw.
Good luck, i need to get mine replaced again, im getting that sound and i replaced it a year ago too! what a bummer!

 

Bah. Went to check and dammit, my cars dead. SIGH SIGH. I don't have enough money for all these friggin' problems.