A friend who has a heavily modded SVT Countour sent this to me. Enjoy.


"Geo Metro vs. Ford Festiva.
(author unknown)


I borrowed my wife's Geo Metro last night. One liter of raw power, three
cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on thirteen-inch rims. It's stock,
alright, nothing done to it, but it pushes the barely 2000 pounds of metro
around with AUTHORITY. I'm always catching mopeds and 18-wheelers by
surprise...

I was headed back from Baskin Robbins with my manly triple-latte cappuccino
blast ("No Cinnamon, ma'am, I take it BLACK"), when I stopped at a
streetlight. As the Metro throbbed its throaty idle around me, I sipped my
bold beverage and wiped the white froth my stiff upper lip. I was minding my
own business, but then I heard a rev from the next lane. I turned, made eye
contact, then let my eyes trace over the competition. Ford Festiva-a late
model, could be trouble. Low profile tires, curb feelers, and
schoolbus-yellow paint. Yep, a hot rod, for sure. The howl of his motor
snapped my reverie, and I looked back into the driver's eyes, nodded, then
blipped my own throttle. As I tugged on my driving gloves and slipped on my
sunglasses (gotta look cool to be fast, and I am *damn* cool, hence...), the
night was split with the sound of seven screaming cylinders...

Then the light turned... I almost had him out of the hole, my three pounding
cylinders thrusting me at least a millimeter back into my seat, as smoke
pouring from my front right tire... my unlimited slip differential was
letting me down! I saw in the corner of my eyes, a yellow snout gaining, and
I heard the roar of his four cylinders. He slung by me, right front wheel
juddering against the pavement, and he flashed me a smile as his .7 extra
liters of motor stretched its legs. I kept my foot gamely in it, though,
waiting for the CHECK ENGINE light to blink on in the one-gauge (no
tachometer here!) instrument panel. I saw a glimpse of chrome under his
bumper, and knew the ugly truth... He was running a custom exhaust-probably a
2-into-1 dual exhaust...maybe event cutouts! Damn his hot-rod soul! The old
lady passing us on the crosswalk cast a dirty look in our boy-racer
direction... Yet still I persisted, with my three pumping pistons singing a
heady high-pitched song, wound fully out.

Though only a few handfuls of seconds had passed, we were nearing the
crosswalk at the other side of the intersection, and I heard the note of his
engine change as he made his shift to second, and I saw his grin in his
rearview mirror fade as he missed the shift! I rocketed by, shifting, and
nursed the clutch gently in to keep from bogging, keeping my motor spinning
hot and pulling me ahead, now trailing a cloud of stinking clutch smoke. Not
ready to give up so easily, he left his foot in it, revving, and I heard one
wheel *almost* chirp as he finally found second and dropped the clutch. We
careened over the crosswalk, now going at least 15 miles per hour. A
bicyclist passed us, but intent on the race as we were, neither of us batted
an eye.

He pulled slowly abreast of me, and neck and neck, we made the shift to
third, the scream of motors deafening all pedestrians within a five foot
circle. He nosed ahead as we passed 30 miles an hour, then eased in front of
me, taunting, as we shifted into fourth. I was staring up the dual 6" chrome
tips of his exhaust, snarling, my cappuccino forgotten, as he lifted a little
to take the next corner.

I saw my opportunity, and counting on the innate agility of my trusty steed,
I pulled wide into the number two lane and kept my foot buried in carpet.
Slowly, I inched around him, feeling my Metro roll slowly to the left as I
came abreast in the midst of this gradual sweeping turn. I felt the Geo ease
onto its suspension stops, and felt the right rear wheel slowly leave the
ground - no matter, though, because my drive wheels, up front, were pulling
me through the corner, and around the Festiva ..."

 

That was pretty funny. This gives Booker a little writing competition.

I have driven a ford festiva also. The metro was a little more comfortable. When I rented the metro one of my co-workers happened to have rented one too (his car was also in the shop). But his had a "sport" package, complete with a tiny 2 inch spoiler and patterned interior cloth.

This must be the week of the subcompacts for me. Some guy in an Echo was trying to play cat and mouse with me 2 days ago. I slowed down so he wouldn't kill himself in that lop-sided looking car.


TMAX